Backstabbing
by LovelessDestiny
Summary: Phil/Clint slash. Hydra infiltrates SHIELD. One of them recruits Hawkeye and he decides to join them. Phil and his friends have a hard time to believe it but they can't ignore the facts, or rather the dead Clint leaves behind. They set out to stop their ex-teammate before he causes more harm, but SHIELD can't be trusted either.


Disclaimer: I own nothing, sadly.

Rating: T, just to make sure.

Pairing: Phil/Clint

Warning: violence, swearing.

A./N.: I'm not sure where the idea came from.

I dreamt something about them and one scene stuck with me, so I tried to make a story out of it.

The fic turned out longer than I expected.

I hope it's okay.

please enjoy :)

::::::::::::::::

"Hey, how was your day?" Clint stirred the stew he made.

"We're in serious trouble," Phil opened his tie and the first few buttons of his shirt.

"Why?" Clint turned around to look at Phil in surprise.

"It seems we have a mole." Phil sat down and played with the fork, "We're not sure yet, but I can't shake the feeling that it's true."

"You'll find him or her," the archer filled his lover's plate. "Just wait and see."

"Maybe we're just paranoid," Phil dug into his stew with gusto. He loved Clint's beef stew.

"You're smart, you'll figure it out." Clint watched his lover for a moment, "but be careful, okay?"

Coulson frowned slightly. "Of course," there was something in Clint's tone he didn't like.

"How's Nat?" Black Widow was on an op in south Africa, of course he didn't know about it.

"Good," the older Agent stated. "She contacted us a few hours ago. The mission goes according to plan and she'll be back before the end of the week."

"I miss her constant nagging," Clint smiled. "Something is definitely missing when she's not around."

"Less bruises and lectures," Phil smirked. He wasn't jealous, he had no reason to be jealous of their strange kind of sibling love.

"One way to put it, yes," the archer joked. "You look tired. We should go to bed after dinner. It's 11 p.m. after all."

"I'd kill for a good night's sleep. I have the feeling that my workload increased over the last few weeks," Coulson rolled his shoulders.

"That's because it did," Clint hated it that his lover had so much work to do.

"Thanks for the great meal," Phil scraped his plate. "I take a shower."

"I'll wash the dishes and join you soon," Clint took Phil's plate and pecked him on the cheek.

His lover looked dead on his feet, "Up with you and get your ass into the shower." Clint shooed his beloved Agent out of the kitchen.

After a long hot shower Phil crawled into their bed.

"Get on your belly," Clint ordered after he entered the bedroom.

Phil cracked an eye open and gave Clint a suspicious look.

"Has anyone ever told you that you're abysmally naughty?" Clint rolled his eyes, "and now do what I told you."

Coulson was too tired to put up a fight and gave in.

Clint settled down on Phil's thighs and poured some massage oil onto his lover's broad back "You need some time off," the archer tried to loosen the knots in Phil's muscles, "the tension in your neck and back is alarming."

Phil enjoyed the massage too much to say something.

To be honest he wasn't even listening, so he hummed his approval to whatever his boyfriend said. He trusted Clint with his life, it couldn't be dangerous to approve of whatever he'd said.

He would end up with a pet, a romantic vacation or a hot kinky night at the utmost.

Clint snorted and shook his head, a small smile graced his lips. "You didn't listen at all," he bent forward to place a gentle kiss against Phil's neck.

::::::::::::

"How's your pet project going?" Clint dropped down from the ceiling, landing in front of Phil's desk.

"Hulk costs us 56,876 Dollar and 86 cents." Phil played with his pen, "within 20 minutes, and that just today."

Clint chuckled, "Not that pet project, but I have to say I'm happy I have nothing to do with it. Nick would have my ass for it."

Phil's eyes narrowed barely visible, "What else do you mean?"

Clint cocked his head, "The weapon upgrade your drooling over for two months now."

"Oh," relief flooded the older Agent. "It's progressing but I think I have to wait for a few more months."

"What takes them so long?" Clint slumped down on the sofa, "It's a berretta not a rocket launcher."

"Every failure could cost an Agent's life, better slow than sorry," Phil rubbed his forehead, the file was giving him a headache.

"Here," Clint conjured a packet of donuts out of his cargo pants and threw it at Phil.

The older man caught it with an amused expression, "Donuts?"

"You love them," the archer shrugged, "and I thought you could use some sugar."

"Not everyone is a sugar junky," he tried to sound serious but the adorable look on his lover's face made it almost impossible.

"You're welcome, sir," Clint winked.

Phil's amused expression faded, "We have to talk about your fight with Rogers a few weeks ago."

"Why?" Clint looked up from his cell phone.

"Because your differences are still affecting the team." Phil sighed, "that's a complaint about your disrespectful behavior. You went along so well, he's one of your best friends, what happened Clint?"

"It was just a disagreement," Clint shrugged. "We had different opinions about the op and we got into a fight. Shit like that happens. Tony and Steve always argue."

"But I don't have a complaint about Mr. Stark on my desk. I can't count how many of these I got over the years, every single one concerning your behavior. Clint!" Phil felt anger bubble under the surface.

He thought his lover had changed but he was obviously wrong.

Phil should have known better than to assume that his beloved archer would be able to subordinate forever, no one could be changed so thoroughly.

"Can't I disagree with someone once in a while?" Clint argued. "I can't remember that I ever agreed to give up who I am."

"No one asks you to deny who you are, but you have to get a grip on yourself and start to behave," that was Agent Coulson talking.

"I try. It's the first after three years. Cut me some slack for that."

"Do you remember the rules of our relationship?" Agent Coulson asked reluctantly.

"Yes, sir," Clint got up and headed for the door, he knew it was just a matter of time that Phil would throw the rules into his face. "I vow to be obedient, sir."

Phil watched him go, he knew it was the wrong thing to say but he wasn't sure their relationship was such a great idea.

Their love would always be in the way and meddle with their work.

Theoretically, they got together the day they met but they acted on their mutual attraction years later.

They had regular sex for one year now and Phil had laid down the rules for crossing the line after their first night together as official couple.

Clint had agreed to anything Phil said.

The main rule was that their relationship would end once their relationship got in the way of their work and Phil wasn't so sure at times that Clint wasn't using him, wittingly or unwittingly.

:::::::::::

It was obvious that Clint wouldn't come home that night and Phil regretted what he said more and more.

He felt lonely in his own apartment.

It was strange because he had lived there alone for a very long time before Barton intruded his life.

They weren't officially living together and they never spoke about moving in together.

It just happened.

A second toothbrush found its way into Phil's bathroom, a second razor, brush, shampoo.

Shortly after, Clint's clothes appeared in his wardrobe, a jumper and sweats at first and now half the wardrobe belonged to Clint.

Phil loved the archer with all his heart and believed that Clint loved him in return but Clint was hot headed and unpredictable.

And the fact that some evidences, from his mole case, pointed right at Clint was not comforting at all.

He had to believe; believe in Clint and their love.

It was probably just a damn coincidence because Clint knew about absolutely everything.

He always had known more than was good for him but it had never been a problem.

The Agent Clint befriended a while ago was high on his list of suspects, maybe he coaxed information out of the archer here and there.

But Clint was too clever to fall for such tricks.

Maybe he truly trusted the other man after such a short time.

He had trusted Natasha, too, after he met her the first time.

Phil's straying mind kept him awake most of the night.

"Hey, time to wake up?" Clint shook his lover gently. "Your running late."

Phil jerked awake "What?"

"You overslept," Clint answered simply.

Phil rubbed his eyes and took a look at his watch. "Damn," he hurried into the bathroom.

"I could call Fury and tell him you're sick," Clint offered.

Phil stuck his head out the door and gave Clint a glare.

"Was just an idea, sir," Clint raised his hands in surrender.

"Where have you been last night?" Phil finally asked, now or never.

"Firing range," Clint answered, "and after that I crashed on your couch," the one at HQ.

"You could have come home, you know." Phil got into his suit.

"I thought you need some time to calm down. I don't want to make you even more angry." Clint lowered his gaze for a moment.

"It was a mean thing to say, I'm sorry," Phil pulled Clint into his arms, placing a kiss against the archer's temple.

"I should have behaved. I was wrong anyway." Clint clicked his tongue, "Forgive me?" he gave Phil his best puppy dog eyes.

Nothing was more painful for Clint than Phil's anger.

It was rare that Clint was on the receiving end of Phil's anger but each time had burned itself into his memory along with his childhood and every life he took.

"Always," the older man gave him his fondest I-love-you-even-though-you're-a-menace smile.

"Let's go," Clint kissed Phil before he grabbed his lover's hand and dragged him out of the apartment.

All he needed was Phil's affection to remember why he became a good man.

:::::::::::::

"They're coming, they are coming," a junior Agent yelled into his mic before a bullet hit him in the back, penetrating his vest.

They could hear how he took his last breath.

"They knew we're coming," Steve stated the obvious. "We have to get out of here."

Phil led the Avengers and a SHIELD team into the rain forest, they passed the border into Venezuela three hours ago.

HYDRA had build a research facility in Venezuela to do research on bioweapons.

Bruce had pointed out that they probably chose a country like Venezuela to get away with more large-scale experiments on the population before the world showed any interest in what was happening down there.

It was their job to destroy the facility and capture as much high-ranking officers as possible.

Clint sat in a tree and fired his arrows while Captain America tried to regroup.

"Hawkeye, report," Phil's voice appeared in his ear.

"50 soldiers, two high-ranking. Three Humvees and a few rocket launcher, 4 I guess."

"You guess?" Tony huffed.

"I can't see everything. I have to provide backup in case you've forgotten that little fact," Clint nagged.

"SHIELD Agents stay back, Avengers go for it," Phil tried to get Fury on the satellite phone.

Cap and Tony did their best to take them out and dodge the artillery.

Hulk was angry enough to take out two of the Humvees.

Clint fired an arrow at a guy with a rocket launcher.

Agent Brandon seemed to talk with one of the soldiers before he let the enemy go.

The Agent looked around and stopped in his tracks as he eyed Hawkeye.

They stared at each other for a long time before Clint gave him a curt nod in the direction of the camp.

Brandon nodded his thanks and headed back to Coulson, he waited for the arrow to his back but it never came.

"Situation under control," Rogers announced after a long and ugly fight.

"Thank god, I can practically swim within my suit," it was hot like hell within the Iron man armor. "I need a shower and ice cubes."

"That's feasible Mr. Stark," Coulson wanted the same.

:::::::::::

"I can't believe the mission got compromised," Phil sighed in annoyance.

"At least we're alive," Clint dressed the cut on Phil's arm a stray bullet had cause.

"Tell that Mrs. Kowalzky," he hated it to lose one of his Agents.

Clint remained silent, he felt guilty for being happy that Phil and his friends came out alive.

"Let me get a look at your hand," Phil took Clint's hand after the archer finished his task. "I want to see the cut."

"It's just a scratch," Clint reassured. "A piece of wood graced my hand as a bullet hit the branch."

"It could have hit you." Phil kissed Clint's knuckles, he was grateful for his lover's survival, "We have to find the damn mole."

Clint's heart constricted painfully, "We have to be smarter."

"Yeah," Clint couldn't decipher the meaning of Phil's look and the undertone in his voice.

He never witnessed it before.

"Phil?" Clint placed his uninjured hand against Phil's cheek, stroking with his thumb over his cheekbone, "What's bothering you?"

"Promise I can trust you," Phil gave him a calculating look. "You would never lie to me, would you?"

"You shouldn't have to ask that," Clint's heart grew heavy. "I never lied to you, and you know that. You're my everything."

"I needed to hear that," the older man smiled finally.

"I love you," Clint kissed him with passion. "I'd do anything for you," he vowed, "anything."

"I love you, Clint." Phil breathed against Clint's lips, "with all my heart."

::::::::::::::

"Put the data down and surrender," Fury pointed his weapon at Brandon.

The Agent let a gas grenade fall and ran, vanishing in the smoke.

"Hawkeye, he's coming your way," Nick informed him.

"See him, sir." Clint dropped from the ceiling in front of Brandon, "Put your hands up."

Clint aimed his berretta at the man.

Brandon obeyed while a little smile tucked on his lip.

"Good work, Hawkeye." Fury appeared behind Brandon and opened the door to meeting room 3, "Get your ass in."

Brandon turned around and walked slowly in the direction of the room, followed by Clint.

The double Agent acted quickly and disarmed Fury and shoved him into the room. "See you later," he winked at Clint.

"Barton?" Fury yelled, "What the hell are you thinking?"

"Nothing personal, sir." Clint closed the door behind him and locked it, while he continued to aim his gun at Fury.

"The hell it isn't," the older man glared. "What do you want?"

"I got an offer I can't refuse," Clint shrugged.

"You're the mole," the director stated. "Is Brandon working for you?"

"Not really, he's the one who recruited me," Barton held Fury's gaze. "You know, I never liked you much."

Nick snorted, "I figured as much," he stated sarcastically. "What now?"

"Now," Clint paused a moment. "You'll die," he fired a shot and hit Fury in the chest, penetrating his heart.

"See you in hell, boss," he said before he slipped out of the room.

"Hands up where I can see them," an Agent roared.

Clint cursed inwardly, someone witnessed what happened and called for backup.

"Calm down man, I'm one of you guys," Clint soothed.

"We don't point guns at the head of our superior," the man replied.

Clint threw, with one quick motion, a knife at the man.

The knife hit the Agent's hand and forced him to drop the gun.

Clint ran along the corridor searching for a way out. "Stop," his heart clenched but he didn't stop.

"Barton?!" he heard Tony, judging by the noises they were running after him.

Security had informed them that they caught Agent Barton shooting Director Fury on tape.

It was hard to believe but obviously true.

"BARTON," Phil yelled and Clint could hear the pain behind his Agent tone of voice. "Don't make me do this."

Clint was ready to lift himself up into a ventilation shaft as something made a loud noise.

It hurt and that a lot.

Clint put his hands above his ears to prevent the sonic to intrude his ears but it was useless "URGH," he screamed in pain. "Make it stop, make it stop, Phil, make it stop, please."

Clint pleaded with his eyes while he writhed on the ground, holding his ears.

Phil ordered an Agent to arrest Clint before he turned around and left the traitor as fast he could, knowing that the image would haunt his dreams for a long time.

::::::::::::::

Phil sat in Fury's office and studied his surroundings.

His best friend was dead, his lover was the one who killed him and Brandon got away with the plans of their secret weapon.

It was a dangerous weapon, Phil knew that because it was his job to supervise the team.

He couldn't believe what happened.

"Phil?" Tony sat in the corner of the room on a hard plastic chair, Captain America was sitting on the table opposite the desk Phil occupied.

"Hm?" he hummed lost in thoughts. Phil felt sick, mentally and physically.

"What did the sonic grenade do to Clint?" Tony couldn't find an answer to the question on his own and that bugged him.

"He has hearing aids," Phil stated without looking at Tony. "He had an _accident_ a few years back," the mission was classified.

"He's almost deaf?" Steve asked shocked.

"Yes," Phil nibbled on his lower lip.

"We didn't notice anything," the big blond said thoughtful.

Maybe it was their fault that Clint betrayed them. Maybe they didn't pay him enough attention? Or not enough affection?

"What the hell am I supposed to do now?" Phil couldn't decide on an action yet.

"I don't know, Phil. I truly don't know." Steve swallowed hard, the lump in his throat burned like acid.

"Who's gonna interrogate him?" Tony asked the question Phil desperately tried to forget.

"Agent Romanoff," Phil answered after a while. "She wants to do it."

"Do you think it's a good idea?" Steve let out a sigh.

"No, but she's good and I think she needs this," Coulson looked up to meet Steve's gaze.

"And you Phil?" the question hung heavy in the air.

"She'll give me a call and I'll join her," he looked away asking himself what he did wrong.

Clint vowed that he loved him, that he would never lie and that he'd do anything for their love.

It was all a big fat lie.

Did his love make him so blind?

"You're the new director for now, you have more important things to do," Tony tried to prevent that Phil did something he'd regret deeply.

"I watched the security video," Phil ignored Tony's objection. "He killed him without a... blink," he snapped his fingers, "without a hint of emotion."

"Maybe he was mind-fucked," Tony mused.

"No, psych says he's not," Phil shook his head.

"We have to believe in him," Tony loved Clint, not like he loved Steve but he was family, Clint was _their_ hotshot.

He was the brother he always wanted instead of the asshole Gregory he had to put up with.

"There is nothing to believe, he fooled us," tears glittered in Phil's eyes but he was too professional to let them fall. "Don't you think I hope for a sign that it wasn't his decision? Do you think I just..."

"No one accuses you of believing it instantly without the slightest doubt," Steve interfered.

"He's the love of my life," Phil stated matter of fact. "How could that happen?"

::::::::::::::

"I thought I could trust you," Natasha crept around him with a knife in her hand.

"Trust, it's such a funny little thing. Gained with care and crushed in the blink of an eye," Clint licked his lower lip, he could taste his own blood.

Nat had a nasty right hook and her voice sounded disgusting with the cheap hearing aids they provided for him.

It hurt in his ears every time she used that high-pitched voice of hers.

He'd bet that she knew it was hurting him and used it more often just to cause him discomfort.

"Was it all a lie?" she asked ruefully, "All we had?"

"I wouldn't call it a lie it's more like bending the truth," he replied.

"You told me that I could trust you, you told me that you'd take care of me and protect me. You did exactly that until now. What changed?" she had to know.

"My orders," he stated.

"For whom are you working?" she let the tip of the blade slide over the exposed skin of his neck, drawing blood.

Barton didn't even wince as the blade cut his skin. "Not telling you that," he smirked, "you know that."

"And you know that I dig my nails into my pray until I get what I want," she reminded him.

"Yup, remember that," he nodded.

She let her blade wander over his arm, "Talk."

"How was Africa? Pretty isn't it?" he smiled at her, "but the military can be quite forceful."

"You," she hissed, for one moment he could see the hurt and surprise in her pretty eyes. "You compromised my mission?!"

"A little call here, a little chatter there," he said nonchalantly.

"They could have killed me," she snarled.

"You look pretty much alive," he eyed her up and down.

She thrust the knife into his shoulder, twisting it painfully slow.

Hawkeye grunted but didn't let out a cry, he was trained better than that.

He could withstand everything she was capable of.

He knew it and she knew it, too.

:::::::::::::

"Coulson?" Clint looked up, he was surprised to see his lover.

The archer snorted, he should have known the older man would show up. Clint would have done the same if their roles were reversed.

"Barton," the older man wore his best poker face. "Director Fury died as a result of his wound but I think you know that, Hawkeye doesn't miss after all."

"Nope, right through the heart, as it ought to be," Clint nodded, his tone sounded light and amused.

"Why?" he wanted to know what caused Clint to betray all they had.

"Orders, sir. What else could it be?" Clint had the nerve to smile at him.

"Who ordered you?" Natasha had told him that it was impossible to get any information out of the archer.

She tried everything but failed.

"With all due respect but you know damn well that I can't do that," Clint frowned as if Phil had asked him if he still believed in Santa Clause.

"Tell me," Phil demanded his cool demeanor was slipping. "Tell the truth once in your fucking life."

Clint cocked his head, remaining silent.

"Cat got your tongue?" Phil mocked. "You will not leave the room alive, so why keeping it a secret?"

"Point of honor," the blond said finally.

"Honor?" Phil laughed curtly. "Do you even know how to spell it? Because it seems to me that you know absolutely nothing about the concept of honor."

"That's harsh, sir." Clint's voice was mocking, "I saved your ass a lot of times, because I honor my handler."

"Sleeping with your handler to gain information is not honorable Mr. Barton." Phil felt like crying but he had to be strong, "It's called whoring."

"It would be whoring if you had paid me for sucking you off," Clint argued, "but you never offered a penny."

"Because your were easy enough to be gratis," Phil clicked his tongue.

"You're pretty good for someone with your uptight reputation," Clint shrugged.

Phil couldn't take it anymore.

He searched for a sign in Clint's behavior, in his eyes, in his words... but nothing gave away that he disliked what he did.

There was no love for Phil, no loyalty for SHIELD and no affection towards Natasha.

Phil punched the archer in the face and Clint had nothing better to do than to laugh at his weakness "Took you longer than I thought" the blond joked.

"Bullet or knife," Phil clenched his jaw.

"What?" Clint raised an eyebrow.

"Bullet or knife to the heart?" Phil clarified.

"Bullet." Clint smiled, it was a little smile and reminded him of _his_ Clint.

"Why?" Natasha spoke up for the first time since Phil joined them.

"Agent Coulson does not like knives," he stated matter of fact.

"As if you care," Natasha growled. "If he'd matter to you, you would spare him the pain."

Clint lowered his gaze for a moment and looked up again as he heard Phil unlock the safety catch of his favorite gun.

"What was it again? See you in hell, boss. Right?" Phil's heart raced, it was so hard to keep his gun steady. "Greet him," before Phil could pull the trigger Barton had disarmed him.

He knocked Natasha out with the butt of the gun. "Sorry, sir. I'm not ready to go," Clint punched Phil in the face.

A slender piece of wire was hidden in the wound of his hand, Natasha had checked the bandage but not the wound itself.

That made it easy to tinker with the cuffs.

Phil could swear he felt the familiar brush of Clint's lips against his forehead before darkness swallowed him.

::::::::::::::

"He escaped?" Steve clenched his jaw, the sorrow was evident in his blue eyes.

It tore on Tony's heart, "We'll find him."

"And then?" Steve replied.

Tony's eyes went wide, were that tears in his lover's eyes. "We can brainwash him," he offered.

Steve huffed, "We can't and you know that, but I appreciate your effort to offer comfort."

"Shoot him on sight," Phil leaned back in his large chair.

"We can't..." Steve tried to argue but Phil silenced him with a motion of his hand.

"We have no choice. Part of SHIELD's safety protocol," Natasha added for Phil.

"So you just want to shoot him?" Tony sighed deeply. "There has to be a second option."

"He's dangerous, he knows most of our secrets, he shot the director," Phil looked at Tony with tired eyes. "Tell me what to do with him?"

Stark looked away, he couldn't offer another option.

"I knew he had contact with Brandon but I hoped the evidences were wrong," Phil blamed himself.

"It is unbelievable," Natasha swallowed hard, "but on the other hand he was always a great liar."

"He isn't," Phil shook his head, regretting the move instantly as his jaw ached. "His eyes give him away, and his posture."

"But only if he feels comfortable enough to let you see," she reminded him.

"He reminds me so much of the young man I came to know all these years ago.

He was with SHIELD as I was recruited, I think for a couple of weeks at the longest, he came from the streets and I was recruited by Nick shortly after I resigned from the Navy, I was a Seal."

Phil seemed to be very far away, "He was wary and always dragged peoples feeling through the mire. Commitment and loyalty wasn't his strong suit."

"What changed?" Steve asked.

"I don't know. We got to know each other and with time we got along," Phil shrugged slightly.

"I suspect he was always a double Agent," Natasha said to no one in particular. "He always seems to know what's going on. He always finds answers to our questions, no matter how high the security level is," she blamed herself for not seeing it sooner.

Her _brother_ was not better than all the people she met before.

Phil buried his face in his hands, taking deep calming breaths.

"Phil?" Steve asked worried.

"I'm going home," the Agent grabbed his jacket and hurried out of the office.

::::::::::

Phil took a deep breath before he opened the door to his flat, he wasn't worried that Clint could be there but he was scared of the memories.

The flat smelled like Clint's perfume.

Normally the archer didn't wear perfume because it interfered with his job, the smell could give away his position or overlay a smell that could warn him against a threat.

But two nights before his betrayal they went on a date.

It was just a movie and dinner at a restaurant but Clint always made sure that he was presentable whenever Phil granted him some affection in public.

Maybe that was one more part of the problem. "I _granted _him time," the job absorbed most of their time and it wasn't often that they found time to go out.

Phil got rid of his tie and suit. "Where the hell?" he looked around searching for his old college hoodie.

He gave up the search, "Fuck," he yelled in annoyance.

Angry tears streamed down his face and there was nothing he could do against them. "Where is my shirt?" he mumbled to himself, opening his wardrobe.

He closed the door of the wardrobe with a loud BANG as he caught sight of Clint's clothes, more tears welled up in his eyes.

Clint was gone.

The love of his life chose to leave, taking the life of Phil's best friend with him.

Phil felt alone, betrayed and broken.

The Agent decided to take a shower and wash away the events of the last few days.

Phil enjoyed the hot water against his skin but nothing could take away the pain he felt inside his chest.

Not the hotness of the water nor the comfortable feeling a shower normally provided.

Phil sighed deeply and sat down in the tube, curling his arms around his drawn up knees while the water pounded violently against his skin.

His whole body shook with sobs and the force of his tears.

It hurt, it hurt so awfully and he had no idea how to go on.

:::::::::::::

"You look awful, sir," Natasha eyed him.

He remained silent and placed his files on the table in meeting room 5.

"Do you want to move in with us for a while?" Tony offered, he could see that Coulson didn't sleep at all.

"That would be nice Mr. Stark," he couldn't sleep after all that happened.

The bed smelled like Clint and his things were everywhere but Phil wasn't emotionally ready to throw out the archer's belongings.

"You slept on the couch," Natasha gave him a sympathetic look.

"On the floor to be exact," the damn couch smelled like Clint, too, and was occupied by the damn fleece blanket Clint bought him a few years back because Phil tended to fall asleep on the sofa more often than not.

"You could have come by", Steve squeezed Phil's shoulder. "We are here for you."

"I know," but no one could help him.

"He's working for Hydra, it wasn't an accident that they waited for us," Tony had looked through all the evidences and recordings he could get his hands on.

"I feared that," Phil made a note. "Brandon recruited Barton but I don't know what he offered him to convert him," he couldn't forget the last conversation Clint had with Nick.

"Probably power," Steve remembered their huge fight a few weeks ago, their friendship went downhill from then on.

Phil took a deep breath and exhaled loudly. "It's useless to speculate, what's done is done," he opened a second file. "An informant told us that Hydra is planning an assault on a pharmaceutical company."

"What do they want exactly?" Tony activated his StarkPad.

"They developed a serum that takes pain away without the usual dopiness. They found a way to make the brain think that the body is alright, even if it's not. It affects the muscles, too, like an adrenalin rush.

Theoretically you could continue to fight with... broken bones or internal injuries," Phil explained.

"But their soldiers would die either way," Tony objected.

"But they can fight longer and take out more enemies," Natasha cocked her head. "I think they want to improve it on their own, because Hydra and SHIELD are using that stuff for years.

They probably just need the new formula."

"That's what I'm thinking, too," Phil agreed, "the question is: when do they make their move?"

"As soon as possible, they know we're hunting Agent Barton," it wasn't easy for Steve to say it, "they know we're watching."

"I don't understand why they bother, what is so different that they go through all the trouble." Natasha mused, "I think Clint was high on our good stuff during interrogation."

"He could have taken the interrogation either way but you're right, I don't think he could have escaped without it. Not after what you did with his shoulder..." Phil hated to think about the wounds Clint received.

Bruce studied the new formula for a moment and compared it to SHIELD's formula, "No side effects," he said finally. "The new drug has no side effects."

"What side effects?" Steve wasn't sure he wanted an answer.

"I'd say Barton is puking his guts out right now and suffers from rather painful seizures," Bruce winced.

"It's not nice when the drug wears off," Natasha pursed her lips, she had experienced the side effects once.

"Get your team ready," Phil told Steve, ignoring their ongoing conversation, "and observe the building. Call me if Hydra shows up."

"You don't have to come," Steve shook his head.

"I want to be there."

"I know you hope to see him but you have more important duties at the moment," Steve argued.

"He is one of my duties," Phil played with his pen. "I need to catch the traitors and make an example of them."

"How is your search going for Fury's co-founder?" Tony interfered, he was worried Steve would do something he would regret.

Cap believed in justice and as much as Clint's betrayal hurt, he deserved a proper trial.

"I have no idea who the mysterious co-founder is. I think it's just what we thought all along, a rumor," Phil pressed his lips together.

"Does that mean you'll remain director?" Tony watched the Agent carefully.

"Hill will take over my duties in a few days. She just has to say yes. Maria doesn't want to be director but I'm sure she'll change her mind," Phil didn't like to be director either.

He wanted to make career and loved his job but Director was a position he never had striven for.

Maybe when he was new to SHIELD but the idea vanished shortly after.

He loved being a handler and he had loved working with Clint and Natasha.

His other protégés were important, too, he liked them but Barton and Romanoff, and Fury, were different.

They made him feel at ease and provided a place he could return to after every mission.

They were his home.

"HILL doesn't want the position?" Natasha raised an eyebrow.

"She feels like she doesn't deserve it. I quote: I don't get the fucking position because I earned it, I get it because Clinton Fucking Barton shot the old bastard and I'm the only high-ranking officer available."

Phil told her that she deserved to be director but she wouldn't hear any of it.

"You're a great director and I think you deserve it, too, to climb the ladder," Tony shrugged.

"No, I don't," Phil denied, "and I would give anything to make it all alright," he would give his career and his dreams to get back what he'd lost.

"I know." Natasha put a hand on his arm. She needed his comfort as much as he needed hers.

:::::::::::::::

After two boring days of observing the building Hydra finally made their move.

An unauthorized transporter entered the facility.

Bruce was inside pretending to be one of the doctors and eight SHIELD Agents worked as security guards or secretaries.

The soldiers opened fire as they recognized one of the Agents.

Cap and Tony stormed into the building, taking out as many soldiers as possible.

It seemed not only SHIELD had hidden Agents within the facility, more and more Hydra agents appeared.

Steve knocked out a burly soldier while Tony sealed the door to the laboratory, protecting the doctors inside and preventing the formula from getting out.

"The room is secure," Tony stated proudly while he fired his repulsor at three men.

Hulk took a wall down together with a handful of soldiers.

"Coulson will sue you one day," Tony shook his head inside the armor.

"Keeping people safe," the green monstrosity grunted.

"True big guy," Tony agreed before his eyes went huge.

He could swear Hulk turned even more green than normal after he called him 'big guy' and realization hit him.

It was Clint's special endearment for their big green friend.

They all used it from time to time but Clint refused to call Bruce, Hulk, he said the term Hulk was tainted with prejudice and disgust so he stuck with his affectionate 'big guy' or 'J Jaw' at times.

"Hulk, focus," Steve ordered.

"Focus," Hulk agreed.

"They're retreating," Tony realized.

"They know that they don't have a chance," Steve stated approvingly. "They're smart enough not to sacrifice their lives blindly for Hydra."

Phil and Black Widow were waiting in front of the building with their team.

There was a T.V. helicopter on the way, Phil hated journalists and knew the place would brim over with them pretty soon.

They endangered everyone's lives for a good story.

The transporter drove off of the company's grounds, a few soldiers stayed behind to provide the transporter's escape.

Phil's men were following the transporter and waited for a chance to make a move.

The helicopter came closer, they weren't authorized to be there. "Contact the helicopter," Phil ordered.

"The T.V. station knows nothing about it and the helicopter is not answering," an Agent reported.

"Damn," Phil looked around and paled visibly as he spotted Hawkeye on the roof of the building. "Open fire."

He was aiming with his bow at the helicopter.

The arrow hit the helicopter and a rope slung itself around the landing skids.

Clint gave Phil a long look and a small smirk before he jumped off of the roof, he knew the older Agent was there.

Phil could only watch as Clint vanished with the helicopter.

It seemed that the archer had something like a rope winch attached to his belt or else he'd have hit the ground, or the sniper wouldn't have missed him by a few inches.

For one moment he was glad that Clint was too clever to get caught in their hail of bullets.

"Clint," Phil muttered under his breath before he gave order to secure the area.

:::::::::::::

"That was a great diversion tactic," Steve had to admit.

They sat in front of the pharmaceutical facility and watched the remaining Agents do their work.

Mostly damage control.

The sun had set and the stars made their appearance, at least as much as the city light would let them.

"They stormed in while he crawled calmly through the ventilation shaft," Tony stated incredulously. "We should have seen it coming."

"He's such a sneaky bastard," Bruce pinched the bridge of his nose. "We don't know him at all."

"We trained him," Phil sat down next to Steve with an audible sigh, the day was a mess. "He knows every ploy, every procedure and he knows damn well how we work," he tipped against his temple.

"We lost two Agents today, three are hurt," Natasha joined them.

"The list of his victims is getting longer," Phil looked at the sky.

"He's holding back," Natasha stated. "He could have killed by far more but he didn't."

"He never killed more than necessary," Phil replied and he didn't kill the two Agents with his own hands.

"Maybe it's a sign," Steve wanted his boy back.

"He stole the formula," Phil stated the obvious, "he led Hydra into the building and tricked us into following the transporter. He shot Nick and helped Brandon escape."

"He hit you," Bruce added. "He didn't kill you even though you tried to liquidate him."

"He never held grudges," Natasha loved the virtue most.

He always tried to find something good, at least within people he liked. Was that an act, too?

"I think he spent so much time with us that he wants to spare our lives," Phil clung to his belief.

Clint did not want them dead.

A big and strong hand cupped the back of Phil's neck. "We're here," Steve said gently, he would remind the Agent again and again if he had to.

Phil squeezed his eyes shut, he couldn't get rid of Clint's smug smirk.

He felt like the memory alone was stabbing him in the heart, again and again and again.

The pain was twisting and turning like snake within his chest.

Natasha placed a hand on Phil's back, rubbing soothing circles over his tense muscles.

They watched the night sky together in silence.

Each individual was lost in his own personal hell of memories and emotions.

::::::::::::

Phil entered the chapel together with his friends.

At the end of the aisle was Nick's coffin, open and surrounded by flowers.

Phil felt Natasha's tiny hand at the small of his back, she pushed him gently down the aisle.

Steve walked close to the Agent, followed by Bruce and Tony.

They stopped in front of the coffin and stared at the director.

He was pale and he didn't look peaceful at all, not even in death. "Hey old friend," Phil whispered, "We're working on it."

Coulson remembered the day Nick showed up on his doorstep and offered him a job.

He told him that he was the director of a new founded Agency and needed the best soldiers he could get and Phil was at the top.

Trained in different Martial-Arts styles, a master in hand-to-hand combat, trained to use every weapon possible, great tactician and ready to kill whoever crossed his way during an assignment.

Phil joined SHIELD as high-ranking officer and he made it to the top in a short amount of time.

Nick was always by his side and their mutual respect developed to a deep friendship within the years.

It was wrong, on so many levels.

Nick should stand here and hold a speech for a fallen Agent.

As much as Nick tried to make people think otherwise, he loved his Agents.

"Bye for now, old friend," Phil let his fingers slide over the polished wood of the coffin before he occupied his seat in the first row.

He didn't listen to the priest while he talked about a man he never came to know.

Phil knew that he would have to attend a second funeral in the near future, either Clint's or his own.

A little part of him hoped not to survive the upcoming battle between Hydra and SHIELD but Clint was the one who betrayed all they had.

The bad guy had to die and sadly that was exactly what Clint was, the bad guy.

Phil tried to banish the thought into the back of his mind but he couldn't shake the pictures that formed inside his head.

The archer dying in his arms, surrounded by blood.

Clint lying in a coffin, pale and lifeless, waiting to get buried like the scum he'd become.

A tear slid down the Agents cheek at the thought.

Phil decided that Clint would get the greatest funeral money could buy.

He would get the flowers he loved most, his favorite wood for the coffin and Phil was sure Tony would buy him the most beautiful place on the cemetery together with an extravagant tombstone.

Stark would probably rent the biggest and prettiest Cathedral he could get for the funeral, too.

"It was a beautiful funeral," Hill stated, her eyes glittered with unshed tears.

"Yes, it was," Phil agreed.

"I'm ready to take over his duties," she studied Phil.

"Gladly," the Agent smiled, "It's all yours."

"So bad?" she grimaced.

"Worse." Phil turned around and left the chapel, he needed some air.

"Phil," Natasha followed him. "Are you alright?"

"You know the answer," the older Agent took a deep breath.

"It will be over soon, we have to work harder but it's possible," she was sure of that.

"One of us will join Nick, soon," Phil stated, taking her off guard.

"I know", she crossed her arms in front of her chest, shivering at the knowledge.

"Is it strange that I hope it isn't him?" Phil swallowed hard, the image of Clint in a coffin clung to his soul and refused to leave.

"You don't deserve death," she shook her head.

"Maybe I do." Phil was a murderer just like Clint.

"Why?"

"I kill for a living, since I was 18," Phil cocked his head, his eyes followed a butterfly.

"You're a good guy," she said serious. "You don't kill recklessly. Every single one deserved to die."

"Clint, too?" Phil continued to watch the butterfly.

"Yeah," she whispered, "Clint, too."

"I neglected him," he was sure karma came back to bite him in the ass for his stupidity.

"You didn't. You're always there for him, no matter what."

"At work but not at home," he regretted it deeply. "My stupid job was always more important. Clint always played the second fiddle. I love him so much but I was barely more than a superior."

"He put up with you for years," Natasha objected ."The only thing that changed in your relationship is that you sleep together more than once a month but that's all that changed.

Your devotion and love had been there long before you decided to give the thing you had a name."

"So what went wrong then?" Phil finally looked at her, "What made him leave me?"

"I don't know," she hang her head.

"I can't go on without him, Nat. I don't know how," Clint was part of his life, the only reason he left the office at all.

"You'll learn," and she would help.

"I don't want to."

::::::::::::::::::

"Agent Coulson," Maria greeted him. "We have a lead on Barton."

"Good," Phil nodded, "When do we leave?"

"I don't want you to join them," Hill shook her head. "You'll stay here."

"But director," he tried to argue but she silenced him with a glare.

"It's an order."

"Yes, ma'am," Coulson bit his tongue to force himself to keep his mouth shut.

"Rogers is already on his way."

"Where?" Phil kept his tone neutral.

"Classified," she gave him a sad smile. "Just in case you try to follow."

"I don't disobey orders ma'am," till now.

"I know you're the stick to the rules kind of Agent but he's your partner."

"Our relationship never interfered with our job," Phil let a hint of anger in his voice.

"I know and you guys always impressed me with your professionalism but this time is different and you know that. He isn't MIA or hurt. He _is_ the enemy this time," Maria looked sad.

"What do you mean? Do you think I will join him? That I'll betray SHIELD for him?" Phil glared.

"No," she shook her head, "you'd rather go AWOL together with him and hide somewhere we'll never find you guys," it was just partly a joke.

"What makes you think that?" Phil liked the idea.

"You're good-hearted and your morality prohibits you to join the wrong side of law but you love him and I'm sure you want him back," she explained her way of thinking

"Is your job worth it? I don't have a Clint in my life. My job is all I have but sometimes I try to imagine how it would be with someone I love by my side... and it always leads my thoughts to you guys."

"It's difficult," Phil confessed, "but at the same time it's not," he lowered his gaze.

"It's easier because you can share your thoughts with someone, without lying or bending the truth so far that it becomes surreal. But the hardest part is the constant worry.

Will he make it? Did he get caught? Will he wake up? How bad is it this time?"

"I remember a few occasions when he asked the same questions," a smile tuck on her lip at the memory.

Clint could be a real mother-hen especially when Coulson was involved.

"We're done," Phil made up his mind. "He betrayed me and I can't forgive him."

"Okay," she believed him, Coulson put up with a lot of shit but betrayal and coldblooded murder wasn't part of it.

"Call me if they find him," Coulson bid his goodbye.

"What did she want?" Natasha waited in his office.

"She ordered me to stay away from Barton," he slumped into his chair, exhaling loudly.

"Why?"

"She thinks I will get hurt," he stated, rolling his eyes. "It's too late for that."

"She's just worried," Natasha stretched out on the couch. "Let her fuss over you."

"I don't need her fussing," he said angrily. "I want them to leave me alone."

"They worry."

"I want his head," Phil narrowed his eyes. "Get me every file you can get your hands on,"

"Yes, sir." she nodded.

:::::::::::::

"Hey Nick" Phil settled down in front of Nick's grave. "I brought Bourbon, I don't think you'd appreciate flowers."

Phil opened the bottle and took a large gulp before he poured some over the grave.

"We can't find him. Maria's lead was a dead end but Natasha uses her contacts to figure it out," the Agent sighed.

"You know, I always believed that I die first," he drank more alcohol. "I'm the field Agent, I'm supposed to die protecting the director and my protégés.

Your most nerve-wrecking virtue was that you're always right. You'll make it far, Phil, true. You'll survive us all, maybe.

He loves you Phil, partly true. He's good for you, true. He's the best, true. It's almost funny how the first time you erred was your last."

He was a little tipsy by now, "Do you know what I believe? I believe that he fooled us all. He used my love for him to gain information. I was the perfect target.

High-ranked, devoted to the job and lonely.

I needed love so desperately and no relationship ever lasted due to the job, and Clint used the hole in my defensive to worm his way into my heart.

You'd almost think that I should be wiser at my age but I've just gone soft instead. I truly believed he loves me," he looked up at the sky.

"You're an asshole, sir. Getting killed by one of your man. Leaving me behind to pick up the pieces. Maria isn't the same anymore. I can't put my finger on it but something is different, I think she might has a crush on you.

If so, Clint destroyed one more life on his way. Natasha is planning her own vendetta, she thinks I don't know but it's obvious.

What worries me most is Rogers, it seems he lost more than a co-worker, I think he considers Clint as a brother, or even son.

Stark is working hard to find a trace, mostly in hope to find an answer to his questions. Dr. Banner is even by his standard moody, the big green guy misses Barton a lot. Even Ms. Potts misses him."

Phil sipped on the Bourbon. "I think that's all for today," he got up emptying the bottle over the earth above Nick's rotting corps, "See ya, sir."

Coulson stopped in his track for a moment as he felt a gaze on him, he looked around but couldn't make out anyone who was possibly watching him.

"I get paranoid, too," he shook his head and went on.

::::::::::::::

Phil and the Avengers visited SHIELD's research facility to pick up new weapons and upgrades.

"They're pretty," Natasha admired the gun in her hands but Phil couldn't share her opinion.

He'd waited for the upgrade for months but now it reminded him of Barton, dropping from his ceiling and asking how his project was going.

"There's a new uniform for you," Phil spoke to Steve. "I hope you like it, it offers more protection against firearms and thrust weapons."

"Great, thank you," Steve went over to the table with his new stuff.

"Respect agent your engineers know what they're doing," Tony praised.

"Of course." Phil smiled slightly, "You're not the only genius out there."

"No but the only billionaire, playboy, philanthrope," Tony stated proudly.

"Yeah, that you are." Coulson caressed one of the weapons for a moment before he picked it up.

"Intruders," an Agent yelled before the alarm went on.

"Get your weapons," Phil ordered. "We have to secure the depot, most of our deadliest weapons are stored in here," they stood in a huge room surrounded by prototypes and very big guns in security cabinets.

"Hydra," Tony hissed. "Jarvis hack into the system and override all the codes. Seal the hall."

"Not possible," Jarvis informed. "Barton changed the protocol."

"Try," Iron man ordered impatiently.

The soldiers broke through the door, headed by Reaper and Barton.

"I suggest you surrender before the matter goes out of hand," Reaper smirked.

"Never," Cap threw his shield at the man but Reaper blocked it with his cybernetic scythe.

Tony did his best to save a bunch of junior Agents from Madame Hydra.

She just tagged along to keep an eye on things, it was Reaper's operation.

Bruce caught sight of Barton and roared. "Smash traitor," the green guy jumped at Clint.

He jumped up a stanchion, escaping Hulk's fist just by inches.

Hulk ripped down the stanchion and Clint fell to the ground, he got up but not fast enough to escape Hulk's fist a second time.

The archer hit the iron wall on the other end of the room, he was out cold.

Tony got hold of Madam Hydra knocking her out. He ordered an Agent to tie her up pretty good.

Cap had to let Reaper go as a flood of soldiers decided to focus on him.

Phil gave his best to protect Cap but he couldn't stop himself to let his gaze stray to Barton once in a while.

His heart had skipped a beat as his ex-lover hit the wall but there was no time for worry or sympathy.

"Geez," Clint opened his eyes. "Glad you like me big guy," he whispered to himself.

The archer was sure Hulk held back or else he would be dead by now.

He grabbed his bow and picked the right arrows.

An electro-arrow hit Iron man and electrocuted him, it wasn't enough electricity to actually kill him but it was enough to hurt.

His arrows weren't a match to Stark's armor.

He aimed at Captain America as a knee connected with his backbone, he spun around and faced Natasha.

"You're dead," she hissed and aimed with her gun at his head.

Clint kicked her in the knee, spun her around and turned her head until she went limp in his arms.

"No," Phil's eyes went wide as he witnessed how Barton broke the widows neck.

Clint winked at his handler before he threw himself at an SHIELD Agent.

After a long fight, involving many losses, they had the situation almost under control.

Within the bustle of the fight Phil caught sight at Clint.

They stared at each other for a long moment before Clint raised his berretta, aiming at Phil's head.

Coulson mirrored his action, all he could hear was the rush of his own blood in his ears, drowning out the battle noises while the time seemed to stop.

Phil tried to read Barton's thoughts on his handsome face but it was impossible.

He didn't know the man in front of him, it wasn't the man he fell in love with.

His Clint would have never killed Nick or _Natasha_.

The knowledge that he'd lost Natasha, too, tore his heart apart.

He lost everything he held dear.

A smug smirk appeared on Barton's lips shortly before he pulled the trigger.

Phil's reflexes kicked in and he fired his own shot, hitting Barton in the chest.

Slashing through his rotten heart.

Phil could feel the bullet pass his face, almost touching his skin but far enough not to harm him.

Clint's eyes widened in surprise before he fell to the ground, lifeless and bloody.

Phil's hands shook heavily, he stared at his fallen archer while his brain tried to make sense of the fact that Clint had missed him.

Coulson turned slowly around and almost stumbled over Reaper's dead body next to him.

He had a bullet wound between his eyes.

Coulson realized that Barton wasn't aiming at him, Hawkeye never missed, he was aiming at Reaper all along.

Clint saved his life.

And therefore Phil took his.

"Put your weapons down, you're surrounded."

Cap turned around so fast he almost got whiplash.

An army of SHIELD Agents surrounded them aiming at the members of Hydra.

"Nick?" Phil dropped his weapon as his hands went limp, gaping at his friend with an open mouth.

"You're alive?" Tony opened his visor.

"It needs more than a bullet to kill me," the man smirked.

"I demand an explanation!" Steve yelled, losing his calm.

His boy died, black widow was gone, too, and Fury walked into the room like nothing ever happened.

"March them off," Fury ordered and waited until the last enemy left the room before he spoke to Steve. "It was an op," he stated simply.

"Permission to be alive, sir?" Clint turned slightly.

Phi's heart skipped a beat.

"Granted," Nick nodded.

Clint sat up, grunting in pain. "Your punch is nasty, thank you for holding back, big guy."

"Cupid is alive?" Hulk was utterly confused.

Clint patted his vest, "Bullet proof."

"Agent Barton infiltrated Hydra to expose all the moles Hydra had within our organization," Nick explained.

"Hey Nat?" Clint gritted out, "Wake up sleeping beauty."

The medics hurried into the room attending to the wounded.

Nat groaned, her head hurt. "What the..."

"The sedative was potent, you'll suffer a headache for a while," the paramedic explained.

"Sedative?" Phil asked dumbly, his mind wasn't able to catch on to the shift of events.

"Agent Barton injected her a sedative and turned her head as far as he could to make it look like he broke her neck," an Agent stated from behind him.

"You tricked us," Steve looked at Clint, the disappointment and sadness in Cap's eyes was too much for Clint to bear and he had to look away.

"He followed his orders," Nick stated matter of fact. "Agent Barton get your ass to medical, before you die for real."

"Sir, I.."

"NOW," Nick gave him a glare, Coulson and the Avengers needed time to process what happened.

Clint nodded and permitted the medics to put him on a stretcher.

"HQ, in two hours, gentleman," Fury turned around and left them.

"He isn't a traitor?" Natasha squeezed her eyes shut her own voice hurt in her ears.

"They faked it, everything was faked," Tony muttered in disbelief.

"Why?" Phil dropped on his knees, his mind raced.

"In two hours we will know more," Cap sat down next to Phil. "He didn't betray us."

Phil still felt like Clint had and decided to keep his thoughts to himself.

:::::::::::

"Spill it!" Tony spat.

They stood in front of Fury's desk; too angry and agitated to sit down.

"Agent Barton informed me that Agent Brandon approached him after his heavy argument with Captain America and we decided to use the chance to infiltrate Hydra.

Barton didn't agree instantly he did as if he needed more time to consider his offer. We worked out a plan but unfortunately our dear Coulson is too intelligent to miss the signs.

We increased your workload to prevent you from investigating but we failed big time. Clint wasn't supposed to get caught after he shot me.

We left the video evidence to provide you with the necessary Intel on Hydra the new Director might have needed in the future.

We didn't consider that you would use a sonic-grenade to cause a malfunction in his hearing aids or that you have Brandon tailed.

Good, we took precautions. Barton headed to Hydra Island after his escape and manipulated them to our liking.

The plans Brandon stole were useless and the serum is something we wanted anyway," Nick explained.

"We buried you." Phil's arms were crossed in front of his chest, "We saw you."

"Great what makeup artists and sedatives can do these days," Fury stated nonchalantly.

"It's not a big joke," Tony yelled. "We thought you died, we thought Hawkeye betrayed us. Do you know how it feels?"

"It was necessary," Nick shrugged.

"How could he agree to such a stupid plan? He must have known how much he hurts us," Natasha blurted out.

"He had no choice," Fury wasn't a fan of his own actions either.

"Everyone got a choice," Steve's tone was cold.

"He had two options," Nick could see Clint I the corner of his eye.

He stood behind his friends, reading Nick's lips as effectively as possible.

"His first option was to refuse the mission. The council threatened to transfer you, Agent Coulson, in case he refused.

Taiwan to be exact. His second option was to accept the mission and save your job and your relationship," Nick leaned against his desk.

"He did it for me?" Phil looked shocked.

"He couldn't let you leave. He said that he preferred to have you around, even if you're too angry to forgive him, than not having you at all," Fury clarified.

Clint put his arms around Phil from behind, pulling the older man against his chest.

He let his hands roam gently over his Agent's belly and chest before he clung to the shirt for dear life.

It felt good to feel Phil's warmth against his body and the familiar scent reminded him that, no matter the outcome, it was worth the risk.

Phil enjoyed Clint's loving embrace but his inner turmoil was tearing at his guts.

He had to get away, "Let go of me."

Clint felt his lover's chest vibrate and knew he was talking but he couldn't hear it.

"I said let go," Phil turned around and shoved Clint away, the archer fell to the ground.

He looked up at Phil with huge sad eyes, his gaze wandered to Nick for a moment.

"No hearing aids?" Nick tapped against his right ear.

Clint shook his head. "They hurt," he drawled, the cheap temporary ones were uncomfortable and he got rid of them as soon the op was over.

Phil pressed his lips together and left.

A flashback of him shooting his archer possessed his mind.

It was all too much.

Clint sat on the ground and had no idea how to get up on his own.

"You have to go back to medical," Nick said loud and clear.

The archer shook his head. "They don't want to treat me, and I'm not getting hearing aids. Don't want to be there. Think 'm mean," it was strange to hear him struggle with every word.

"Help him up," Nick ordered Captain America.

Cap lifted the archer up. "Don't do that ever again," he pulled Clint into a tight embrace.

Steve held Clint close to his chest while one of his huge hands rested on the back of the archer's head.

After a long time Cap released him. "You're grounded. Jarvis will control every move you make. For at least two weeks," Tony looked at Clint and pronounced every word.

The archer sighed, "Okay."

Tony enclosed his friend into a brief hug before he retreated.

"I'm sorry," Natasha took a deep shaky breath, "I'm so sorry."

Clint spread his arms, inviting her into an embrace, "Forgiven."

Tears escaped her eyes and she buried her face in his chest.

He let her cry as long as she needed it.

Bruce offered Clint a gentle smile while he watched his girlfriend cry.

It was hard to see her that way but Bruce new just as well that she needed it.

"Escort him to medical," Fury said, "and make sure he gets the care he deserves, and Clint... ride out that damn drug."

Captain America nodded and led Clint out of the room.

::::::::::::::

"I want to be alone." Phil sat at a quiet spot on the roof, it was a habit he picked up from Clint.

"I want you to listen," Nick sat down next to Phil.

Coulson sighed deeply. "What do you want, Nick? He did it so I can keep my job, you faked your death, he faked to be a traitor, he faked Nat's death, he let himself get tortured and drugged; and he let us beat him up.

You let me believe that he turned on me, that he used me like a cheap toy. You let me believe that all we had, that all my fondest memories, were based on lies."

"I am sorry, Phil," Nick truly was, "but we had no choice. The council was persuasive.

Clint threatened to resign or transfer but they told him that they would kill one of you if he tried to take them for a ride. You have to believe me when I say that he didn't want to do it.

He wanted to tell you but he couldn't. It had to look real... and that was just possible while we kept you out of the loop."

"I have a hard time believing you."

"You have every right to," Fury nodded.

"Why him?"

"Because people tend to think that he's our weakest link," Nick took a deep breath. "I have to tell you one more secret."

Phil's whole body tensed while he waited for the blow to come.

Was it true that Clint used him? Was Phil just part of a bigger op?

"He's my co-founder."

That was not what Phil was expecting, "He's what?"

"He's second director of SHIELD. We met a long time ago. We paired up and offered our services to the military, FBI, CIA and many more, until we had enough power to found SHIELD.

We made powerful friends and established a reputation. No matter what, we've got the job done, fast and efficient," Nick looked at Phil, his friend was pale.

Anger rose within his chest and Phil had a hard time to keep calm. "So it was a lie," he squeezed his eyes shut.

Fury understood the meaning and shook his head. "He never wanted to lead an Agency and left that part to me, nobody knows about it, except from the council. He didn't want to control a bunch of heroes, he wants to **be** a hero.

Of course we make far-reaching decisions together but he's more like our own talent scout and link between the ranks.

One day he approached me with an insecure smile on his face.

I never saw that one before, because normally he tells me right away who, why and when and I try to recruit them.

He told me that he found a Navy Seal, during his appointment with General Holden, who would be a great mentor and handler.

Normally we don't recruit soldiers in their mid thirties but he asked me as a friend and not as the director. He never asked for personal favors before, nor has he ever since.

I knew you must be someone special and accepted. He was right, you know. You are the perfect handler and Agent, you changed our selection procedure."

"Why does he work for me? All those years I believed that I was his superior," Phil felt a strange feeling bloom in his heart.

It was affection, he realized, mixed with a huge amount of hope?

"He loves to work with you, there's no place he'd rather be. It's his job to test our higher-ranking Agents and keep in contact with the recruits.

Oh, I don't deny that he _is_ a pain in the ass, sassy and exhausting but he uses his flaws to our advantage.

He never pushed you as hard as he pushed the others, because all he wants to be is a simple SHIELD Agent under your command." Fury finished his story, it wasn't on him to tell Phil everything.

He already told Phil more than he should have.

From there on it was on Clint to fill the blanks.

"He remained under my command as an _asset_, he let me sent him into unknown territories with a _slim_ chance of survival even though he could have ordered someone else to do the job."

All the rules Phil set out for them seemed so pointless now and Clint's selfless streak even more heroic.

"He doesn't have many friends and most people don't put up with him. You my friend gave him a home and he's very protective where his loved ones are concerned." Clint had saved his ass more than once over the years and he owed his friend a great deal.

"His love for me is true?" it was the most important question in Phil's mind.

"Yes," Nick put a hand on his friends back. "It's true. This op and his real rank were the only secrets he ever hid from you," the older man got up and left his friend on the roof.

Phil remained where he was for two more hours.

It was the perfect place to figure out his thoughts and feelings.

::::::::::::

"He has to wait," a doctor passed them and vanished in treatment room 3.

"Ma'am, he needs medical attention," Cap glared at her.

"He has to wait, we're busy," she scribbled something down on her notepad.

"He is severely wounded," he narrowed his eyes. "He needs medical attention, n-o-w."

"Our Agents have top priority. He has to wait," she had guts.

"He _is_ one of our Agents," Cap hissed. "He got hurt in the line of duty and has every right to get proper treatment."

"He's a traitor," she put her notepad away. "Excuse me I have to attend to people who are really wounded," she pointed at Clint, "because of him."

"I want to go home." Clint lowered his gaze, he knew it would be hard but he had hoped he was just pessimistic.

"Don't let people treat you that way, son," Cap tightened his grip around Clint's middle, lifting his chin up with the other hand so Clint could read his lips.

"Love ya, too, old man," Clint joked. They both knew it wasn't a joke at all.

"Hold on a little longer, okay?"

Clint nodded.

"Hey," Cap called out for an older woman. "Are you a doctor?"

"Yes," she glared at Clint for a moment.

"Treatment room 7, NOW," Cap ordered while he dragged Clint into the room.

The doctor was nowhere in sight. "I'm back as fast as possible," he helped Clint onto the bed.

Cap stormed out of the room and returned with a frightened young man in tow. "Hold on, son. He will help you, isn't it right?" Steve dared.

"Y-yes," he focused his whole attention on Clint.

"Take off your shirt," the doctor said while he put on sterile gloves.

Clint looked at Cap for help, he couldn't see the doctors face and wasn't sure he interpreted the movements of the muscles in the doctor's jaw and neck correctly, the guy did talk to him, didn't he?

Steve's gaze softened and he helped his friend out of his shirt. "You have to look at him when you talk until he gets his new hearing aids."

The doctor just grunted.

"Hey, sir," Clint noticed Fury's arrival and gave him a sad smile.

"I thought you might need them," the older man waved with a new pair of hearing aids.

"Not sure I want that," it was less painful not to hear them talk.

"Bullshit," Nick took Clint's face into his hands and adjusted Clint's hearing aids as gentle as possible.

Cap watched in awe, it was the first time he saw Nick Fury care for someone.

The look on his face was soft and his touch fatherly.

"Better?" Nick asked, taking his hands off of his friend.

"Yes, sir," Clint nodded. "They're by far more comfortable."

"I know, that's why we always have a few emergency deaf-aids for you," a very small smile graced the director's lips. "Report doctor Hansen," his smile vanished.

"I haven't examined him yet," Hansen replied.

"Why is that? I sent Agent Barton down to medical an hour ago," he gave the doc his best don't-mess-with-the-director look.

"We have enough wounded to last us a lifetime, sir."

"They denied you treatment again?!" Nick looked at Rogers for confirmation. "You get 30 minutes." he left with the intention to take his medical staff apart.

Fury reappeared exactly 30 minutes later with a crying young nurse in tow.

"Bruises, lacerations, broken bones, a concussion and a badly healed shoulder wound. No inner bleedings, though. But there are surgical scars," Hansen held his breath.

"Hydra took care of my internal injuries, weren't bad," Clint tried to sit up.

"Where do you think you're going?" Cap held him down.

"Phil, of course," Clint gave him his frustrated 'duh' look.

"We are not finished here," Nick stated, "go on Dr. Hansen."

"He needs surgery for his shoulder and I have to put a few stitches into you, Agent." Hansen tried to keep calm, "and the Hydra serum is wearing off. You have to stay under observation for the following two days and then we'll perform surgery on your shoulder."

"The hell I will," Clint huffed. "I'm not staying here while my boyfriend blames himself for things he had absolutely no control over."

"Ride the drug out and then we'll talk again," Nick winked at his friend before he leaves.

"And I'll keep an eye on you," Cap took a chair and sat down next to Clint's bed, taking his hand into his own. It would be a long night.

::::::::::::

Phil couldn't sleep and spent most of the night on the ground in front of the over sized bed Tony bought him.

He leaned against his bed, waiting for Clint to come.

Phil knew the archer would come for him, he always did.

It was 6 in the morning and still not a sign of Clint, the sad Agent drew up his knees und put his arms around them, making himself as small as possible.

He wanted to vanish and never come back.

"Phil," the door to his bedroom opened but Phil didn't look up.

It was just a dream anyway.

"Phil," Clint crouched down next to his beloved Agent. "I'm here," he reached out to touch Phil's cheek.

That brought him the desired reaction. "Clint?" he whispered hoarsely.

"Yeah," the archer smiled lovingly. "I'm sorry."

"Hmpf," Phil huffed and buried his face between his arms again.

"I really am." Clint sat down , groaning in pain. "I had no choice," he put an arm around Phil and pulled him close.

"I thought you betrayed me," the older man stated."Your betrayal left my heart batter and bruised, missing chunks were the claws of your lies ripped right through it, again and again."

"I know," Clint said in a very sad tone, his heart raced with fear. "They said they'd transfer you to Taiwan and that I wasn't permitted to follow you. They threatened to kill you in case I deny. I couldn't allow that."

"So you chose to break my heart?!" Phil hissed angrily.

"I chose to keep us together," Clint leaned in closer to Phil.

"What if I don't want you back?"

"I have to live with the consequence then, but at least you're close to me," Clint's body froze.

"And if I don't want to see you ever again?"

His body went even more rigid, "Then I have to live with that, too."

"Is there something you can't live with?" Phil aimed to hurt.

"You not being alive," Clint replied without hesitation, Phil's death would tear him apart. "I need to know that you're alive and that you have the option to be happy."

"Have you ever considered that I feel the same way?" Phil looked at Clint.

The archer could see the hurt and anger in his beautiful blue orbs, "Yes."

"But you did it anyway," Phil looked down again, shaking his head in disappointment.

"What would you have done in my position?"

Phil thought about it and the answer left a bitter taste in his mouth. "The same," he admitted.

"I know," Clint said confident, "you'd even break rules for me. You can deny it as much as you want. I know better."

That coaxed a frustrated chuckle out of his stoic Agen.t "So you're the one who recruited me?" he eyed Clint.

"He told you that," Barton was surprised. "Thank god. All secrets are out in the open."

Phil could feel Clint relax next to him, it seemed like a heavy burden dropped from his shoulders.

"I met with General Holden. We passed the training ground and there you were, yelling at a recruit. You told him that it wasn't about fame, glory and killing, and about who was better.

You told him that it was about saving people and honor, and about destroying the bad ones so the good ones could live in peace.

He tried to talk back but you stopped him, just with a motion of your hand, telling him that he had to choose what kind of person he wanted to be.

A good guy or a bad one," a fond expression graced the archer's face while he talked, taking Phil's breath away. "I asked Holden about you and he told me that you were one of his best men, honest and strong-willed. I watched you for a few more days."

"You stalked me?" Phil smiled a little, he felt flattered.

"No, I... Yes", the archer gave in. "I noticed how lonely you were and that you weren't happy with your life. So I decided to take you in.

Everything I told you, about my family and me being a street kid, was true. Your speech touched my heart.

Choosing who I want to be wasn't easy for me, at least for a long time.

I met Nick and he helped me to get jobs on the right side of law but sometimes I wasn't sure if I became a good man or if I was still the unhappy young man who killed for a living, no matter whom as long as he got his paycheck.

I don't want to be him again and I knew that you would make me a good man."

"You wanted me to rub off on you?!" the older man rested his cheek on his arm and watched his beloved archer.

"I wanted you to like me," Clint said simply before he looked away.

"Why?"

"Because you're a good man, probably the best, and being liked by a good person makes you a good person, too. Because good people do not like bad people," he rushed, his face turned beet red.

"You are a very good person." Phil took Clint's hand, "Even the street kid was good at heart, he just chose the wrong path for a while until he got back on track."

"I love you so much," Clint flung himself at his lover, nuzzling Phil's neck. "I love you and I'm so sorry, sorry for hurting you so much."

"I think there is nothing I can't forgive you," a shiver ran down his spine as Clint's surprised eyes appeared in front of his mind eye, "almost," he added in a whisper.

"That's understandable," Clint assured. "I _killed_ Nick and Nat, that _is_ unforgivable."

"I played with the thought to quit and take you with me, to a place where no one would ever find us. New names, new lives," Coulson confessed.

"See, I told you you'd break the rules for me," he felt Clint smile against his neck. "It was hard to fight against you instead of fighting beside you."

"We are a team, forever." Phil cupped the back of Clint's neck with a hand, "I'll never let you go," he caressed the soft skin of Clint's neck with his thumb.

"I need a shower, I'm not presentable at the moment and I think I got some blood on your shirt, sir," Clint saw a red spot on Coulson's white shirt. "Or are you hurt?" he leaned back, staring at Phil with wide eyes.

"No, I'm not hurt," that was the truth, a few bruises and a scratch didn't count.

"Thank god," he exhaled loudly.

"Let's take a shower," Phil got up, waiting for Clint to join him.

"Could you possibly... uhm, help me up, sir?" that was embarrassing.

"What the hell are you doing here if you can't even stand up on your own?" that was Agent Coulson to a T.

Clint loved that, "I have to return to medical within the next 24 hours."

"Care to explain?" the Agent glared at Clint.

"I had to stay until the drug wore off, Nick said it wasn't a good idea to let you see the withdrawal. He was right, he always is, that's so creepy. Cap stayed with me and dropped me off at your doorstep, well Tony's."

"That's why it took you so long to find me," Phil realized.

"I wanted to come immediately but they wouldn't let me," a sad look crossed Clint's eyes.

"Clint," Phil helped him up and guided him into the huge bathroom, he should have been the one looking for Clint.

"They refused to treat my wounds," he sounded so sad. "It's my own fault but it's not nice to know that no one wants to examine me."

"How long did you wait?" Coulson undressed his lover, cataloging every single injury.

He didn't dare to ask how extensive his wounds were.

"The two hours until the meeting and an hour after Nick ordered Cap to drag my ass down to medical." Clint chuckled, "You should have seen the doc Cap forced to examine me.

He almost peed his pants and Nick tore the medical staff a new one. Damn he was angry, the nurse who dressed my shoulder couldn't stop crying."

"Next time, I'll accompany you down there," Phil's eyes glittered dangerously. "I'll never let you out of sight again," he closed his eyes for a brief moment before he put transparent foils over Clint's dressings and taped them into place. "There's barely any skin left to wash."

"Natasha is a pro," Clint winced that was obviously the wrong thing to say.

"And the Hulk," Phil's fingers ghosted over Clint's bruised back.

"Help me in," Clint changed the topic, giving his lover a hopeful look.

Phil undressed himself and helped Clint into the huge tube before he joined him.

"It's too cold," Clint whined.

Phil changed the temperature to Clint's liking. "That's better," he tilted his head back and closed his eyes.

Phil took the shampoo and applied it to Clint's greasy hair, massaging his scalp with firm pressure.

Clint let out a sound that sounded suspiciously like a purr.

"Keep your eyes closed, I rinse the shampoo out," Phil spoke softly.

"Thank you," Clint relaxed enough to give his sore muscles some rest. His whole body ached.

"Done." Phil turned his lover slowly around, letting his fingers ghost over his face before they slid down to his chest.

The bruise above Clint's heart pained Phil most, "I shot you."

Clint wrapped his arms around the older man and the close contact broke through Phil's defensive wall and he let go of his emotions, of all the pain...

Phil rested his forehead against Clint's broad battered chest and let his tears flow. "Hush," Clint rubbed his back while he guided them carefully down.

They sat in the huge tube, arm in arm under the comforting spray of water.

Their slick and warm bodies closely pressed together.

"I can't believe I shot you," Phil whispered, placing butterfly kisses on the skin above Clint's heart, "God."

"I made you do it," Clint reasoned, "and I'm glad you did it. You proved that you're willing to fight for your life and the council knows that nothing interferes with our job."

"How's that a good thing, when I'm willing to kill YOU." Phil closed his eyes, holding on to Clint's body as if he would vanish the moment he let go.

"Because I know you'd be safe should an enemy ever brainwash me. Whether I nor the council can take your life away and that makes me feel better," Clint's hand ran up and down Phil's spine and he hoped the thin plastic cast on his wrist wasn't uncomfortable for Phil.

"You are wrong," Phil slid a hand over Clint's wet skin, from his back to his chest.

Feeling the archer's strong heartbeat beneath his hand.

"But you were ready to shoot me in the interrogation room and at our lab," Clint frowned. "You protected people from me."

"Your death would destroy me nonetheless. You might not kill me with your own hands but losing you would have the same effect.

And to be honest I'm not so sure I'd have pulled the trigger during interrogation. I could barely hold my gun steady," Phil felt how fear and guilt took hold of his heart, squeezing tight.

"You seemed pretty determined back then," Clint felt relief spreading through his body. "I'm glad, actually."

"Why?"

"I wasn't so sure you had any problem with kicking my ass," he confessed.

Phil's answer was to kiss the archer, long and slow.

He'd missed his soft lips, the warmth of his body and gentle arms.

People found it hard to believe but Clint could be really gentle, even though he was build like a brick wall.

"Love you, to,o" Clint chuckled, placing a kiss on Phil's temple.

"You did kiss me back then, right? After you knocked me down", Phil remembered the familiar feel of soft lips against his skin before he lost consciousness.

"I felt sorry for hitting you," Clint said sheepishly, running his knuckles over Phil's jaw, "and I wanted to kiss you one last time."

"You never believed to get out of this mess," Phil stated. "You were prepared to die," he looked up into Clint's eyes.

"I considered the possibility", Clint agreed, "but that doesn't mean I was ready to go down without a fight."

"You did go down without a fight," Phil pointed out, a shiver ran down his spine.

"Couldn't shoot you, could I?" the thought that Phil would pull the trigger never crossed his mind but he wasn't really surprised about it.

"He would have killed me," Phil remembered Reaper's corps. "I didn't notice him at all."

"Noticed that," Clint shifted a little to ease the pain in his side and back.

Phil loosened his hold on his archer and got up, pulling Clint up with him, "You need rest."

"Can't deny that, this time," Clint hissed in pain.

Phil dried him off on helped him into his sweatpants and a nice warm SHIELD jumper.

Clint got onto the bed as carefully as he could and sighed heavily, "I think I pushed too far."

Phil took a SHIELD jacket out of the wardrobe and grabbed Clint's combat boots, "We're going to medical."

"So be it," Clint struggled to sit up.

It was embarrassing that Phil had to dress him like a child. "You want to go like that, sir?" the archer frowned after Phil got dressed himself.

"What's wrong with it," he looked down at himself. He wore a comfortable pair of jeans and a light blue button down shirt.

"It's HQ we're going to," he eyed the casual jacket Phil was holding.

"I'm not going as Agent Coulson," Phil slipped under Clint's good arm and helped him up. "I'm going as Phillip Coulson. Agent Barton's worried boyfriend."

Clint didn't know what to say, all his mind let him do was grin goofily.

:::::::::::::

Phil sat next to Clint's bed, holding his lover's hand.

"How is he?" Nick strolled into the room, followed by Cap and Tony.

"They gave him the heavy stuff, he's out for a while. How could you let him leave medical in that condition?"

"Because absolutely no one is able to keep him locked up," Nick stated matter of fact. "Better we bring him to you than he killing himself trying to get to you on his own."

"You could have called me," Phil glared. "Hey Phil, your boyfriend is in no condition to come to you, would be nice if you could come down to medical. Sure, sir. Got my drift?"

Tony's head jerked in surprise while Steve pressed his lips together to prevent himself from laughing out loud in surprise.

"Didn't thought of that," Nick shrugged, he wasn't sure Phil would come.

"Next time call me," Phil's tone softened.

"Yep," Nick leaned against a dresser. "We arrested every high-ranking Hydra commander, we just have to find Strucker before he can rebuild his organization."

"Good," Phil stroke over Clint's knuckles with his thumb.

"Director we found mark 23-7," Hill peeked into the room.

"I'm coming," he walked over to Clint for a moment. "Get well my friend," he patted Clint's leg.

Tony occupied the last seat by then and Cap sat on the edge of the bed.

"They say he will be fine," Phil looked at Clint. "He doesn't look that way."

"The bruises make him seem fragile," Cap took Clint's hand eying the plastic cast.

"And the concussion, broken rib and wrist, the laceration above his eye and on his cheek, not to mention the emotional impact," Phil was angry. "They break him and he does nothing about it."

"There is nothing he can do, neither can you or I," Cap reasoned, "that's the way life works, we have to be stronger than them."

"The doctors hate him, even without being a _mole._" Phil sighed, "He hates med bay and he makes life difficult for them. He bugs them, he runs away and in the end the doctors have to take our bad mood because they didn't pay enough attention."

"I think no one owns a high enough attention span to keep up with our hotshot." Tony looked up from his engineering program, the hologram illuminated the whole room.

"True," Cap nodded. "What the hell are you working on Tony, you're tinkering with your program for hours."

"First class hearing aids for smart-ass here," Tony adjusted something in the hologram."Sorry Agent but SHIELD sucks in that department."

"No offences taken," Phil smirked. "He doesn't like it either."

"Good," Tony mumbled in agreement, focusing on his new pet project.

A nurse stormed into the room, checking Clint's vitals. "You have to leave, visiting hour is long over."

"I'm not going anywhere Ms..." Phil tried to get a look at her name tag. "Ms. Cruise."

"I have to call security then," she threatened.

"Do you know who I am?" Coulson narrowed his eyes, going all Agent on her.

"His boyfriend?" she shrugged.

"Right and I'm his handler, in addition to that I outrank security by light years so don't bother calling them." Phil propped up his elbow on the armrest and rested his head against his fist, "and I don't think security wants to put up a fight with Iron man and Captain America."

"With all due respect, sir," a doctor strolled into the room to save his night nurse. "I'd rather put up a fight with an Avenger instead of you."

"Thanks Franklin," Phil said dryly. "How's Betty?"

"She's fine, she gave birth to our daughter two weeks ago."

"Congratulation," Phil beamed. "What's her name? Justin must be thrilled to have a baby sister"

"Julie," the doctor stated proudly while he opened his wallet to show off a photo of his daughter. "He is so damn proud to be a big brother."

"He's like you," Phil looked amused, "you're only happy when you have someone to protect."

"I take it as a compliment," Franklin smiled. "So what happened this time?"

"What? You didn't hear about it?" the nurse asked irritated. "That guy sold us out to Hydra and got good Agents killed."

"Uhm," Phil got up from his chair. "You do know that he killed Director Fury? And said one is walking around very much alive. What does that tell you?"

She had nothing to say.

"Exactly young lady," Phil let go of Clint's hand and maneuvered himself into the small hospital bed.

"Aren't you too old to do that. I mean our beds are as uncomfortable as 15 years ago," Franklin was just an intern at that time. It was his first month at SHIELD and a mission went terribly wrong.

He vividly recalled how Agent Coulson held the hand of his asset, assuring him that he would be fine and that he wasn't alone. Franklin found them in the same bed the next morning and Agent Barton looked relaxed for the first time since the bullet took a chunk out of his neck.

"I don't want to remember that," Phil put an arm around his archer. "I lost my suit due to his blood loss."

Tony chuckled, "Agent Agent you have a unhealthy fixation on suits."

"My white shirt was completely red," he had used it to put pressure on the wound, "and I could fill an IV bag with blood just from wringing out my jacket."

"Now you're exaggerating," Tony didn't believe a word. "Right doc?"

"Sadly just a wee bit," the doctor took Clint's chart. "Okay. How did that happen?" he waggled with the chart.

"Black Widow tortured him, Hulk tried to smash him and I shot him," Phil summarized.

"Come again?" Franklin asked dumbly , an incredulous look on his face.

"We thought he was the enemy," Cap answered for Phil.

"You shot your boyfriend?"

"I thought he killed Fury and Widow," Phil's voice wavered slightly.

"Why am I not surprised," they yell at each other, obviously they even started to shoot at each other but nonetheless they lie in bed together, cuddling and very much in love.

"Hanson from dayshift says he will be fine," Steve studied the doctor.

"All he needs is time," he assured. "His surgery is scheduled for tomorrow morning. Time and rehab will do the rest."

"Thank you Franklin. Greet your wife," Phil closed his eyes, he was so tired.

"Will do," he bid goodbye.

"We should go home," Tony turned off his program. "We need some rest, too."

"I don't want to," Steve watched the archer.

"He'll still be here in the morning." Tony linked his arm with Cap's and dragged the big man out of the room.

::::::::::

"Home sweet home," Clint cheered as they entered Phil's apartment, he took a deep breath.

"Sit down," Phil was happy to have his beloved archer back.

"Oh come on," Clint whined.

"Sit down, do I have to make it an order?" the older man threatened.

"I outrank you," Clint looked smug.

"Nope." Phil shook his head, "you chose to work _under_ my command"

"Sneaky," the archer slumped onto the couch. "Better?"

"Yes," Coulson shuffled into the kitchen to get two beer, "Chinese or Pizza?"

"Chinese," he knew Phil loved Chinese.

"Chinese it is," Phil took the phone and placed his order, he knew exactly what Clint liked.

"There is a street festival tomorrow, do you want to go?" the older man asked casually.

"I'd love to," Clint's smile brightened his day.

"Good, I want to see The Hobbit afterwards if it's okay with you."

"If it's okay with me?" Clint beamed at him, "You know how much I love the movies Jackson made of the books," he felt how his heart burned with love.

"Do I?" Phil was embarrassed and sipped on his beer.

"I love it when you're all flustered," Clint sat down on Phil's legs with one swift motion. "I'm so glad you forgave me."

"I'm glad you forgave me," Phil kissed him.

"There is nothing to forgive," Clint kissed back.

"I doubted you," Phil pulled away for a moment to look into his lover's eyes.

"That was the general idea," Clint leaned closer to capture Phil's lips again.

"You deserve an Oscar," Coulson cupped Clint's cheek with one hand, wrapping the other arm around Clint's middle.

"Tried not to feel at all," he panted. "Was the hardest thing I ever had to do."

"Idiot," Phil deepened their kiss.

"How do you like your new toys?" Clint grinned knowingly.

"They are great," Phil said with joy. "Did you do that for me?"

"Of course, they're custom made just for you. And can I tell you one more thing?" he asked alluringly.

"Yeah," the older man breathed against Clint's lips.

"I assigned you to watch over Cap while he defrosted,... and I convinced Nick to give you the big projects. Wasn't too hard, though, you're the best after all." Clint knew the sex that night would blow his mind.

"You fulfilled my childhood dreams? and gave me the big guns to play with?" he felt like he might burst with a the love inside his heart.

Captain America, the Avengers, weapon projects...

All that because Clint saw something in the old Seal no one else could.

Maybe not even Phil himself.

"I told you I'd do anything for you," his lover rewarded him with a breathtaking kiss.

They had to part eventually as the delivery guy arrived.

The evening was relaxing and fun, they ate a lot, made fun and watched a couple of silly T.V. shows.

Therefore the night was very, steamy.

"Ready?" Phil put on his jacket.

"Can you help me with the sleeve," he couldn't bend his arm far enough backwards to get the jacket on, he had forgotten to start with the wounded arm and was too lazy to take off the jacket just to put it on again.

Phil was the perfect nurse, not that he would ever tell his lover that.

"I haven't seen you wear your suit for two weeks now," Clint loved how Phil looked in casual clothes but it felt kind of, wrong.

"Because I'm on leave," Phil put an arm around Clint's shoulder. "Let's go."

"Uhm," Clint struggled against Phil's hold. "We are in public, in case you forgot."

"I know," Phil decided to treasure the archer and he wanted the world to see whom he belonged to.

"It's indecent, sir." Clint frowned.

"I'm not holding back my love for you anymore," he was determined.

"You took two weeks off and bend our rules. Where is my lover, and what have you done to him?" Clint narrowed his eyes.

"Our rules are stupid, strictly speaking your last mission went against, at least, three rules but here we are," Phil pointed out. "I don't give a damn about them anymore."

"Does that mean I can kiss you in public and, maybe, ... during breaks at work?" their relationship wasn't a secret. The Agency thought they were together long before they came to the same conclusion.

"Yes," Phil gave him a smile, his eyes were sparkling like jewels. "Screw regulations and SHIELD."

"I should have let you shoot me sooner," Clint tightened his hold around Phil's waist.

"Don't even joke about it," Phil warned.

"I'll make fun of it until your brain understands that it was not your fault and lets you sleep at night," his lover wasn't able to sleep through the night.

Every few hours he woke up screaming and panting, crying out for Clint.

"You sound like my shrink," Phil rolled his eyes.

"See," Clint sighed dramatically.

"Ah, shut up," the Agent said irritated.

Clint laughed.

The carefree and boyish laugh Phil loved so much.

To see him smile and hear that laugh of his was worth it, "I love you Agent Barton."

"Love you, too, sir," even more than before.

"Stark offered to organize our wedding." Phil was too much of a coward, especially after all that happened, to ask directly, "do you think we should tie the knot?"

They stopped in front of a fountain, surrounded by trees and laughing children with their parents.

"Was that a proposal, sir?" Clint asked slyly.

"It was a suggestion," Phil blushed furiously.

"I have to mail Tony, then." Clint clicked his tongue, "to tell him not to overdo it."

The sentence blew the seasoned and bad-ass Agent's mind, _that's a yes, yes, YES_.

"Oh god," Clint pulled Phil into a hug, "breath, sir," he said amused. "In and out. Attaboy."

Phil wasn't sure why he was so surprised but the perspective to marry his archer was overwhelming. "Clinton Francis Coulson," he grinned goofily.

"Wow," Clint stared at him.

"What?" Phil asked confused, still grinning.

"Your expression just took my breath away," he stated dumbly.

Phil smiled lovingly and pulled Clint in for a kiss.

::::::::::

"Hey Agent Coulson," a young junior Agent ran along the foyer, waving with a file. "We found Strucker," he gasped out of breath.

"You did?!" Clint was inwardly rubbing his hands together, he wanted his head on a silver platter.

"Wasn't talking to you, Agent Barton," they weren't on best terms since Clint tortured him with special survival training. The man had messed up and Clint taught him not to do that again.

"Than clarify with whom you're talking," Phil stared at the man, Agents around them gave them a funny look.

Sitwell groaned and handed Danvers a fifty dollar bill.

"Ready for survival for rookies take two?" Clint mocked, the kid couldn't walk for two days after the training session.

"Agents Coulson how often do I have to tell you not to mess with my junior Agents," Maria hollered. "He's my responsibility, that includes his sanity."

"Take better care of your Agents then" Coulson deadpanned.

"Not all of us are meant to be animal tamers," she was happy that Barton was Phil's responsibility.

"He makes me a happy Hawk," Clint agreed enthusiastically.

"TMI, Clint" she grimaced.

"Can we talk about Strucker now?" the Agent wasn't very patient.

Phil gave her a look that told her what a bad job she did on this one, "Agent Coulson is not responsible for Hydra anymore," she informed the Agent.

"But the file says..." he held it up.

Clint snatched the file out of his hand, "That's me, thanks kid."

"Huh?" his eyebrows almost reached his hairline.

"See you later," Clint smiled at Phil, the older man grabbed the archer's wrist before he was out of reach.

"Be careful," he pecked Clint on the lips before he released him.

"Always, sir," Clint straightened his back and saluted.

"Stop fooling around and shoot the bastard," Phil ordered.

:::::::::::::

Three days later they congregated in meeting room 6 to discuss the downfall of Hydra.

"All these years," Nick stated satisfied, "and now they're finally out of my hair," his eyes narrowed, "not a word, Agent Barton, Mr. Stark."

"Okay," Clint gave him a brief mocking smile.

"I have an announcement to make," Nick continued. "Agent Coulson is now officially Agent _Barton's_ exclusive handler. Hawkeye, and the Avengers, are his only concern in the future."

"Private secretary," Tony grinned one of his dirty grins.

"Yes," Clint leaned back in his chair.

"But why?" Natasha knew how much Phil loved his job.

"Because Agent Coulson resigned from his position as a handler. He's a freelance consultant, at least officially," Fury absorbed their expressions.

"He resigned?" Cap gasped, "Why?"

"They were using our relationship and I can't accept that," Phil explained. "It's time for me to settle down."

"Director, the council wants to thank you," Hill's voice appeared in his ear piece.

"Put them through," Nick raised an eyebrow.

"Director Fury," a female greeted. "We are more than pleased with the outcome of the operation."

"But we are not," Captain America spoke up.

"Quite the audience," a man stated dissatisfied.

"They have every right to be here. Next time don't disturb our briefing," Fury hated the bunch of idiots.

"You used their relationship against them," Bruce complexion turned slightly green.

"They proved that they are remarkable Agents," the other man praised, "they fulfilled their duty with no regard for the other."

"I want to inform you that I'm no longer an active SHIELD Agent," Phil's arms were crossed in front of his chest.

"Noted," the woman said sourly, Coulson was one of the best after all.

"I have to add a few details," Clint got up and walked around the table to face the council.

He stood straight and his expression was more than intimidating.

"What would that be Director?" one of the men said, his tone icy.

Director? Tony mouthed to Steve, the super soldier shrugged.

Natasha's eyes widened rather ungracefully.

"I want you to know that I will not accept any mission that could put my marriage at risk, do you understand? I did it once to prove a point but that was a onetime thing.

Should you or anyone else come after my family again, I'll take you out. Don't think we don't know who you are!" Clint glared at the holograms

"We know as much about you than you know about us. Maybe we know even more. So if little Jason wants to keep his mommy you'd should be very careful from now on.

You have politicians but I have our Agency and most of the military, and don't forget the super heroes. Have a nice day, Susan, Peter, George" he nodded at each before he turned off the transmission.

"I'm impressed," Nick praised, "you scared even me for a moment."

"You taught me how," Clint shrugged, escaping barely Nat's fist.

"Director?" she hissed.

"The only reason I got away with recruiting you," Clint said nonchalantly.

"Agent Romanoff back off," Nick ordered halfheartedly.

"Director," she punched his shoulder, he didn't even try to dodge this time.

"Second Director, to be correct," Clint returned to his seat next to Phil.

"I thought that was Hill." Tony stated in confusion.

"That's what she thinks," mischief clearly visible on Clint's handsome face.

"Why didn't you tell us. You were on the top, all this time," Steve felt betrayed.

"Because I don't want to be at the top," Clint said honest. "I want to fight against evil, not ordering Agents around. I don't like politics and I can't handle that. I'm more useful as an Agent."

Rogers nodded in understanding, "Makes sense."

"Wasn't my intention to hurt you," the archer lowered his gaze.

"We're just surprised Hotshot," Tony reassured.

"Did you know about it?" Natasha eyed Phil suspiciously.

"No, Nick told me about it a few weeks ago," he put an arm around Clint's shoulder, kissing his temple. "He's a hero not a puppet."

The End

One quote that sticks with me during almost all of my stories.

(Possible spoiler)

Quotes from Ultimate Avengers #1

Director Danvers: I'll give you Hawkeye, but the rest of my Ultimates stay a million miles from your black ops crap.

Nick Fury: Fine by me. Hawkeye's the only cool one, anyway.

My opinion: Coulson rules, too.


End file.
